“…if you’ve been up all night and cries till you have no more tears left in you – you will know that here comes, in the end, a sort of quietness. You feel as if nothing is ever going to happen again.”
—C.S. Lewis
October 2009
sometimes i wonder why i am so fucking stupid -
i already felt horrible, but suddenly out of nowhere i felt the need watch the profile-site of my ex boyfriend. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I know he has another ‘chick’ now, so why, why in gods sake did i watched it? Stupid. I’m so fucking stupid. Now i feel like dying and i totally did this to myself.
“My mom used to say to me ‘you can’t have fun all the time!’, and I used to say: “Why not?” Why the fuck can’t I have fun all the time?”
—Kate Moss
“The feeling of Sunday is the same everywhere, heavy, melancholy, standing still.”
—Jean Rhys
“and your food is abundant but your food is a fucker
and you die little by little each time the spoon
feeds your uneasy mouth
expanding only the air within you
because you have only got air within you” —
and you die little by little each time the spoon
feeds your uneasy mouth
expanding only the air within you
because you have only got air within you” —
“Hit me. Hit Me. I wanna feel something.”
—Effey, Skins.
i am cold.
so cold, my body shivers.
i can barely move my arms.
the dizziness is confusing me.
i feel so lost, i feel so.. gained…
my stomach hurts, but i’ve gained
the pain will pass, some day?
i haven’t felt like this
in such a long time.
i - i want to die.
the fact that i’m still breathing
shows that i am weak.
maybe i should go back
to the mental institution early.
tomorrow
for now all i have to do is
move my arms and fall
asleep…